The Table Can Wait

There's a picture most of us carry of what mealtimes are supposed to look like.

Everyone at the table. Together. Calm. Connected. Food appearing, conversation flowing, family happening the way family is supposed to happen.

It's a powerful picture. And for a long time, even when I wasn't chasing it, some quiet part of me wondered if I should be.

In our house, mealtimes were always flexible. Someone ate at the table. Someone ate on the couch. Someone wandered into another room altogether and ate there, unbothered, perfectly happy. We didn't always eat at the same time. We didn't always eat the same thing. Headphones were involved. Devices were involved.

And yes. We destroyed a couch. An ottoman. A carpet.

Worth it.

Here's the thing. I didn't arrive at flexible mealtimes after a long journey of trying to make everyone sit nicely and finally giving up. It just always felt right to let people eat where they needed to eat. I followed my gut without really knowing why.

But I carried a quiet wondering about it anyway. A low hum in the background. Should we be doing this differently?

Then I started learning about neurodivergent culture. About sensory experience, and what mealtimes actually ask of us. The smells, the textures, the sounds, the expectation to be social and still when your system is already running hot. About how flexibility and following your child's needs is just good parenting for the family you have.

And that quiet wondering went away.

Not because I'd found a new system. But because I finally had the language for what I'd been doing all along.

Some parents reading this are already outside the "shoulds". You're already doing the thing that feels right, and some part of you is still waiting for someone to tell you it's okay.

It's okay.

Some parents reading this are still inside the "shoulds", working hard to make mealtimes look the way they're "supposed" to look, wondering why it keeps being such a battle.

It doesn't have to be a battle.

Your gut knows your family. It has been quietly knowing all along.

The table can wait.